Chapter 10: Destiny's Road

Captain's Log - 

I have moved Patty in with me.  Though it didn't really take much considering she only packed her clothes.  She left her major belongings and furniture for Serena to keep until we figured out what was going to happen with Patty, me and the baby.

I surprised Patty today with a few items for the nursery.  

It was a bit of a 'welcome home' gift to make her feel more comfortable at moving in with me.  I thought she'd enjoy it and realize my sincerity in wanting to be a part of this.  

She didn't have much to say, really.  A lop-sided and almost wistful smile graced her face but her thank-you was not completely heart-felt.  I know this baby threw her plans for a music career out the window.  She just barely got promoted before getting pregnant.  I try to understand why she's so despondent during her pregnancy, when it has made me feel like I have some chance at redemption.  

To Patty, this baby means no more partying, sleeping around and drinking.  To me, this baby meant a chance to prove that I survived being marooned for a reason; that I was washed up on this island by something bigger than myself.  I believe that a part of this is Fate's doing.

The one thing I wish I could have done was save Gertie the grief and heart-ache I've caused her.  When I did get around to telling her, I was blunt about it.  I am not always eloquent, I cannot know the right things to say all the time.  And so when I sat her down on the sofa, I took her hand and simply said: "Gertie, Patty has told me she's pregnant."

"And . . . it's yours, I presume?"

I nodded, swallowed the lump in my throat and said, "Indeed, yes.  I asked that she live with me through the duration of the pregnancy so I could help her out financially.  I also want a chance at being a part of this baby's life.  Patty struggles with the idea of adoption, but I don't want that.  I never imagined a child of mine to be without me."

Gertie looked shocked, like a bucket of ice-cold water had been thrown in her face.  She looked away from me a moment, and removed her hand from beneath mine.  "I see," she murmured.

"Gertie I . . ." I fought for words. "I don't love Patty.  But neither is it fair of me to let her worry about all of this on her own.  I'm party to this as much as she."

"Then couldn't you just give her money?"

It was no secret to Gertie that I had begun quite a nest-egg before Patty informed me of her pregnancy.  "I don't want to do that.  I'm not sure if I trust her with money and I don't want her to know just how much I've tucked away." I paused a moment, looked down at my hands, at calloused fingers that had seen much labor. I imagined that in just a few months there would be a baby there.  The thought thrilled and scared me all at once. 

"Truth be told Gertie, despite circumstances involved, I want to be a father." 

There was a world of silence, and it was deafening in it solemnity. 

"Then do not expect me to wait for you, Tom Calico." Gertie's voice was soft, and I could tell she was holding tears at bay.

"But Gertie, I don't want to be with Patty forever.  This is only for a few months." I began to panic a little at the thought of loosing Gertie.

She looked up at me then, tears caught in her blond lashes, eyes glistening with tears.  "No, Tom.  Taking on this child is not just for a few months - it's forever.  Just because Patty won't be living with you beyond a certain point, what about that child? Who will it be with?"

I hadn't thought beyond the birth and the here and now.  But I didn't want Patty to take the child away from me.  

"You are doing what you think is best, I will not sway you on that.  Your mind is made up.  But I want home and family too, Tom.  And I will not pine away for you until you're ready to have me in your life again."

And then I knew - Gertie was already lost to me.  And just as she could not persuade me on forgetting about my responsibility to Patty and the baby, I could not persuade her to put her life on hold.  I didn't know what the future held, but it seemed it would not entail Gertie.  

Before I left Gertie's home, she did say something of promise to me that I don't think I shall ever forget:

"A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it,"

~Tom Calico, Captain of my own Destiny

Chapter 9: Mending Mistakes

Captain's Log -

I love a serene night on the deck of the Mistral.  I believe the hushing sounds of the waters washing over the side of a ship as it cuts through the miles of ocean is a peaceful sound.  And sometimes at night, with the wind slapping and filling the sails, and the ocean water lapping at the hull, I think (just for a moment) that I hear angels sighing.  I find a oneness with nature, with the spirit of the earth and I am whole.
I miss the peace that kind of quiet brings.  I miss the simple life I had as a pirate and know now that I will never get it back.
So here I sit, at the cliffs of Barnacle Bay, mourning my loss.  Mourning my home, for I will never see it again.

I have lost count of my time here in Barnacle Bay. Nor do I wish to count past entries to see how long it's been now.  To do so, would only make me more melancholy.  The past few months have been the best I've experienced in all my life.  I truly adore Gertie, and I daresay I have come to love her.  She is strong, sassy and infinitely precious to me.  When I first stopped counting the days until I left Barnacle Bay, I didn't mind nor miss it.  My heart considered Gertie 'Home'.  I eventually stopped seeing Patty and Juliet, finding I liked the idea of being solely with Gertie.  
And making those choices and continuing to court Gertie has given me a peace very similar to what I had once felt only at sea.
But today, that peace was shattered.  Just before I left work, I got a phone call from Patty.  She didn't say much, only that she missed me and was wondering if we could get together.
And 'getting together' or 'meeting up' with Patty was never just that.  There was always something more, and I wasn't going to fall into that again. "Patty, I can't.  I've made the choice to be with Gertie."
"I understand that, Tom.  Really, I do.  But I'd like to talk to you - seriously just talk."
She'd never called me by my given name before.  It was always "Captain Calico' until we made it to the bedroom.
"For just awhile, I'm meeting up with Gertie so I don't have much time."
"I'll see you soon, then?"
I looked at my pocket watch, "Give me about fifteen minutes,"
"See you then," she replied, then hung up.
When I got to Patty's and knocked on her door, it took a moment for it to be answered.  But when the door swung open, Patty opened it wide and tucked herself behind the door.
"Come on in," she gave me a hesitant but genuine smile.
I walked through the portal and turned to face Patty just as she closed the front door.  She kept her back to me long after she'd closed the door behind me.  I knew it wasn't just a friendly visit when she didn't turn to face me.  And part of me knew what she was going to say, whenever she got around to saying it.
"I want you to know that I never meant for it to happen.  It was an honest mistake," her voice cracked, but she still failed to face me.
I sighed, closed my eyes and thought of what I should say.  After a long moment, I opened my eyes to see she was facing me now.  The gentle swell of her belly confirmed what I feared.  I felt as if the wind left my sails and I was trapped in a doldrum of fear and sadness.
"I'm sorry, Tom." she whispered, fighting back tears.
After another pause, all I could say was "I'm sorry too,"
Life is a precious thing, and sometimes it can be such a gift.  But this was one gift I was intimidated by and I couldn't run from this.  That fateful day on the Mistral when I jumped ship, I ran away and cheated Death and in turn received a chance to live again.  Now, seeing Patty was giving life to our unborn child made me realize the sanctity of that gift.  This child was my chance to live again.
"M-may I?" I reached out a hand toward her belly.

She nodded her consent and with slight hesitation, I put my hand on her tummy.  I didn't feel anything, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to feel.

"What are your plans, Patty?"
She didn't need me to clarify, "I'll work as long as I can and then have the baby.  And . . . then after, I didn't know what I'd do.  That's why I wanted to tell you, I wanted to give you a choice in the matter."
"Let's keep it," I said.  "I want to keep it.  Do you know what you're having?"
Patty shook her head, "I didn't want to know in case I . . . gave it up for adoption."
I nodded my head, "Yeah, well . . . I don't want that." The idea of a child of mine living without me sat like soured grog in my stomach. "Come stay with me for awhile, let me take care of you and Baby.  We'll sort this out together."
"But I'm happy here," Patty retorted.
I digested that, and thought about it.  "I understand Patty, but I want to experience this too."
"What about Gertie?" she asked, arching a brown at me.
I scratched my jaw, pressed a hand to my temple.  "I don't know, Patty.  This," I motioned toward her stomach, "wasn't part of anyone's plans.  But you don't earn enough to care for a child on your own so move in with me for awhile until we sort things out.  I don't mean to come off as a cad, but I'm not proposing marriage here.  I am asking that you move in with me to help save you the worries of money and to do my part in this.  This is my fault, too."
I could see the tears in Patty's eyes, if they were relief or regret, I don't know.  "Okay, Tom." she sniffed. "Give me til the end of the week and I'll come live with you."

I never did make it to Gertie's.  I cried off, telling her I had I headache.  I needed time alone to digest things, to think about what to do about . . . well, about everything.

I took a chair to the cliffs, getting as close to the sea as possible to feel the brine on my cheek and watch the stars over head.  I've been here for hours, not quite resolved at the potential to loose Gertie.  Neither am I resolved to let Patty take on the care of our child alone.
I don't love Patty, and I know she never really loved me.  But if we respected each other enough, maybe we could make things work long enough to figure out what to do about the child.
But I know one thing - I 'm not going to let the opportunity to be a father pass me by.  I will man up, be the captain I always wanted to be even though I have no ship to guide, and no crew to prepare the way.  I will take charge of my life and make the best of it I can.
~Captain Tom Calico

Chapter 8: Gertie, Patty and Juliet - Oh, My!

 Captain's Log -
Gertie and I got into a bit of an argument at her cottage the other night.  I had come over to spend time with her. Time that wouldn't entail sleeping with her since she was my friend.  I was exhausted between work, Patty and Juliet - who had both made it known they wanted to keep dating me.  But I had lost time with my friend, so I made a surprise visit to her cottage.
She wasn't very receptive to me and when I opened my arms for a hug, she threw up her hands in denial.

 "Ho, there! I don't think so 'Captain Calico'," her tone was new to me; like the first frost on the grass in Fall.
My arms dropped to my sides, "Excuse me?" I blubbered.
Gertie's hands found her generous hips and she cocked her hip to the side.  "It's no secret what Patty and Juliet do with you.  They talk about it all over town.  Everyone, especially the ladies, are calling you Captain Calico.  Like you're some kind of Casanova."
The once-over she gave me was a little degrading and proverbially unseated me from my high horse. I could feel my shoulders begin to slump in dejection, but I forced it at bay. "Now Gertie, really.  We're adults here.  What's wrong?"
She huffed, "Everything!" then her voice softened, "And nothing.  Look, I'll be honest.  I don't know what you were feeling but what I was feeling when we first met was," she paused, a heated blush rising up her décolletage to her cheeks.  "I really liked you, Tom.  'Liked' in the sense of maybe spending my life with you but then I didn't hear from you for days and when you did call you had a wall up.  That wall's been up ever since.  And then you go and date around me and make a name for yourself in this forsaken town.  A name you're so proud of, but it isn't you."
All those words, all that she said, really hurt.  And although I felt my own anger bubbling up, I swallowed it knowing that no good would come from yelling back.  Worst of all, Gertie was right.  I had felt something for her, she had felt something for me and I had made a point to avoid that when I recognized it.  I had hurt her, unconscionably so.
I sighed heavily, feeling the weight of my guilt on my shoulders.  "You're right.  You're absolutely right, Gertie. I'm sorry for hurting you, I never meant it really."
Gertie's eyes welled with tears. "Tom,"
"No Gertie," I held up a hand to stop anything else she might say.  "I catch your drift.  I'll be going."

And with that, I left her place, feeling strangely alone.

Then yesterday morning, Patty called me before I went in to work.  We chatted a little, I never told her about my apparent fall-out with Gertie.

"Hello, my captain!" Patty greeted over the line, "I've been missing you. You've been remiss in your duties as captain."

I couldn't help but smile, "And what duties are those?" I asked.

"Come over tonight and we'll talk business,"

I barked with laughter, "Right, 'business' and just that."

"You know it, Captain Calico.  See you tonight!"

So after a quick change of clothes after work, I headed over to Patty's place.  Her sister Serena had company over, so we snuck off to the bathroom to hear each other talk over the booming music.

Patty took her hands in mine, "I'm glad you came, I've missed you.  We could join Serena's party if you want.  I kind of forgot about it.  But if you want, we can just head across the hall to my room . . ." she leaned in towards me a little.

Thinking briefly on Gertie and how my chances with her were gone fueled my response.  "Let's go to your room."

I was at Patty's well into the night, in fact, I did not get home until three in the morning, which left me getting little sleep to run off of for work today.

As I headed off to work this morning, my phone rang.

I was astonished to see it was Gertie calling.  I debated about not answering, my heart lightened at just seeing she was calling.  I answered, eager to hear what she had to say.

"Tom, I'm sorry," her voice came over the line, she'd barely waited for me to say hello.  "My temper got the best of me, but I don't want to completely throw away our friendship.  I've thought about what I said and it all came from jealousy.  I wanted to be Juliet or Patty, I wanted to be the girl you wanted.  But if I can't be that then I'd rather be your friend than nothing at all."
I couldn't believe she was apologizing to me. In truth, I hurt her more than she hurt me.  "Don't be sorry, Gertie," I began, "You were right to say those things."
"Not so meanly.  I should have bit my tongue or found a kinder way to speak to you about how I felt. But please tell me when can be friends at least."
I knew now how I felt about Gertie.  Now I knew without a doubt how she felt about me.  I wanted to date Gertie, I wanted to see where it led, I didn't want just friendship anymore.
"Hello, Tom?"
"Uh, yes.  I'm here, Gertie. Listen, I was just thinking maybe we should try seeing each other.  Why don't you come over tonight and we'll see how it goes."
"You mean it? Really?"
"Yes, Gertie.  Come over tonight after work.  Let's just have quiet time with no interruptions."
"Then I'll see you around nine tonight."

I headed off to work after our conversation.  The day couldn't go fast enough.  I was eager to see Gertie, to hug her close and to see what was in store for us.
When nine o'clock finally did roll around, I treated her to a laughably burnt dinner I prepared.  We watched some television and talked.  And before the end of the night, I encouraged Gertie to come to bed with me.

It was one of the most rewarding night's of my life.  It put my other nights with Juliet and Patty in the pale.

~Tom Calico, First Mate

Chapter 7: . . . Followed By Juliet

Captain's Log -

Day thirty-three. Before Patty's party ended the other night, Juliet pulled me aside.

"Well, aren't you going to ask me out?"

I had stared at her a moment, pointed Patty's way, "Well, we . . . I have been seeing Patty a bit . . ." I floundered like a fish out of water.

Juliet's smile grew, "Oh, I know. She's a bit of a flirt, but she'd mentioned she was just casually seeing you.  I was hoping you'd ask me out, but I don't want you to go before you do.  So ask me out." Juliet encouraged, sidling closer to me.

The heady feeling came back full-force.  I had come to the conclusion then and there that there just must not be enough catches out there for them.  Maybe too, a foreigner was simply more attractive.  Whatever the attraction, I welcomed it.  "Sure, Juliet.  Would you like to go out with me, say, tomorrow?"

"Why Captain Calico, I though you'd never ask." Juliet batted her long lashes, placed a hand dramatically to her chest in flattery.  

"Let's meet at the local pub, about seven." I continued, encouraged by Juliet's own coy behavior.  I didn't bother to correct the title, nor attempted to do so.  I think Patty must have shared it as a nom de guerre.

I ended up having a fantastic evening with Juliet.   

 We enjoyed a good dinner and drinks.

 And, I did show off -- but just a little.

 We kissed . . . quite a bit.

 We even met up for awhile in Founder's Park at dusk.

Time with Gertie was a precious thing, something that was over before it got started, because I got scared.  Time with Patty was . . . entertaining, to say the least.  And time with Juliet -- well, the only word that comes to mind is Splendid.

~"Captain" Tom Calico

Chapter 6: And Then There Was Patty . . .

Captain's Log - 

It's day thirty on Barnacle Bay.  And it's day four since I last talked with Gertie.  Although she has called, I have been ignoring her, unsure of my feelings, and scared about how quickly I began to feel something I daren't name.  

I headed back to Barnacle Beach today in hopes of meeting new people. 

It was quiet when I first arrived, so I made myself comfortable at a chess table and started in on a game.  But my mind wasn't paying attention and I found myself drifting in thought, thinking of Acacia, Gertie, work and wondering why I didn't stay on the doomed Mistral long enough to be killed.

In frustration with myself, I got up from the chess table and helped myself at the bar and poured a quick drink.

And that's when I caught sight of a lady who walked in the door.  I downed my drink and headed her way, intending on making her acquaintance.

 I began to introduce myself, but she looked at me as if she knew me.  She smiled, "I'm Patty.  Patty Abe.  And I've heard of you, Tom Calico."
Before I could ask how she'd heard of me, she smiled and said, "Word spreads quick on a small island." her smiled faltered before she continued, "I am sorry . . . about your ship . . ."

I felt the pang in my chest deepen a little but I had nothing to say.
Patty sighed, as if finding words difficult. "I . . . I'm actually on my way into work.  I was just making a pit stop.  I'd love to chat, maybe I'll see you around?"
And me, being the verbose and eloquent pirate said, "Uh,"
Patty giggled, "Catch you later, Captain Calico!"

I didn't have the heart to correct her.
~ Tom Calico, First Mate

Chapter 5: Feelings for Gertie

Captain's Log -

After an interesting but fun night with Gertie, I've decided that I should try to get to know people of Barnacle Bay.  I honestly can't say when I'll be leaving this island, but until then I think I could get to know more people to make my stay here easier.
With this in mind, I headed to Founder's Park after work and ran into Rahul Patel again.

I greeted him with a firm shake of the hand and a smile, but he seemed to stop and talk with me a moment only out of politeness. I'm not sure how to read him as a potential friend considering his lukewarm greeting.  Nonetheless, we found a common interest in chess and he joined me for a small match.  Though he doesn't seem to be one for conversation, his wits were keen on the game.  I do enjoy a good battle of chess!

After our game, we headed our separate ways.  I invited Gertie over when I got home, deciding I wanted her good conversation and easy smile.
I find Gertie vastly intriguing.  With her short temper that incites me, those full lips pursing in thought before she shares a thought . . .
I found out today that I love talking with her, too.  We seem to be in tune to each other's interests and unlike conversation with Rahul, with Gertie it flowed freely.

Today, I joked which made her laugh.

In turn followed a kiss, which made her blush.

I wonder if my feelings might be turning less platonic at this point . . .

I am not sure I am ready for such commitment as a dedicated, monogamous relationship.  It would tie me here, and I want to go home . . . don't I?

~Tom Calico, First Mate 

Chapter 4: A Bad Day

Captain's Log -

It is now day twenty of my sojourn.  I have been working harder than ever, saving money to get me off this island and back home to Acacia.  I have fallen into a strict pattern of sleep, eat, work and repeat.  This is not new to me, this was my life at sea, only more exhilarating.  My time at sea was wonderful, not knowing where the wind would always take us, finding peace in the sultry winds at my back and my fellow men at arms by my side.

I have no friends here.  This is something that has been becoming more clear to me with every passing day.  I miss comradeship.  I miss singing raucous songs of loose women and tippling a bit too much ale with friends.

And after a bad day at work like today, I felt desperately in need of a drink.

I hailed a taxi and was off to a local pub.

Being so early in the day, the bar was quiet, but I didn't mind.  I beelined to the bar, ordered a heavy drink - no ale, but not remiss in alcohol, thank God - and guzzled down more than my share, like a parched man to fresh water.

I wan't far into my sixth drink when a newcomer came through the door.

Maybe I was more tipsy than I meant to be, maybe I was starving for friendship, a friendly smile, or maybe it was all those things.  Whatever the root of those feelings, it made my breath hitch in my throat for a moment when I met her glance for just a moment before she caught sight of one of her own friends.

I felt a sudden impulse to get up from my chair and introduce myself to her, and I did just that.  And conversation flowed easily between us almost immediately.

She was Gertie Cleary, a lass with a pretty face who seemed to enjoy a little cooking.

 I offered to buy her a drink, and when she accepted that with a flirty smile and a bat of her lashes, we took on a game at the shuffleboard between drinks.

I won.

But it was to Gertie's dismay, to say the least.

I quickly found out that this lass had a bit of a temper.  Something that intrigued me, and scared me.  She was after all, a girl of substantial proportions and could likely lick me in a fight . . .

But I laughed it off, she seemed too good to take on a bar brawl.

After we finished our drinks, I walked her home.  We chatted awhile longer, but I'm not sure what about, because the drinks had gone to my head.  

I do remember that I gave her a wink and a kiss in parting - something that made her flutter a bit and made me wonder just how drunk I really was.

Once I made it home, (it turns out she lives just up the road from me) I reflected upon the evening and how - for just a moment - I was able to forget for awhile how much I missed home.  

 ~Tom Calico, First Mate

Chapter 3: A Place for Me

Captain's Log -
It's day seventeen.  Time has flown since my last entry.  But I have been a busy man.  I have been working hard at my job and saving what little money I've earned to build a small home for myself.  I was sold a plot of land for cheap by a fellow enforcement officer when he found out that I was sleeping on park benches. He never told a soul, but offered me a family lot that overlooks the sea, land that his family had no use for.  I bought the land and when he took me to the location, I realized that it will allow me to keep watch of any ships that may cross the bay; a place where I can watch the sea.  This was a great comfort to me.

 In the last weeks, I have gone to the shores every day and found things from the Mistral come ashore.  The helm, our flag, one of our ship's cannons, and our anchor.  I have painstakingly brought these things back with me and have used the planks of the ship to even build my home. I have pinned the remnants of our flag to my wall, I have the cannon and anchor just outside my door to remind me every day that my men died for me.

But despite these changes, this place still does not feel like home.

For now, this home will do.  It is, I hope, a temporary existence.  I still ache for Acacia, for my real home.

~Tom Calico