Chapter 25: Reflections

Captain's Log -

I have been remiss in logging the duration of my time on Barnacle Bay.  Ursula, Marin and Muriel have long since passed their infancy.  Una herself, has blossomed to adulthood.

The time has passed nearly without my knowing so; for I am now a man nearly past my prime.

Una has forever been my girl, my dearest.  We are so much alike in spirit.  When she was younger, we spent a lot of time talking, just by ourselves, usually when Cordelia was handling the triplets and

I was able to break away a moment.

I learned a lot of how she resents her birth mother for not being around, how she was glad for Cordelia to soften the heartache of not knowing why a mother wouldn't want her.

On her sixteenth birthday, Una met Patty.  It was not the most pleasant memory.  It had been the first time that Una had seen Patty since her toddling years.  It was also the last time Una would ever see Patty.

I had invited Patty every year to Una's parties, giving Patty a chance to mend something she broke long ago.  She never came.  After all those years, she never came.  But, on the occasion of Una's sixteenth birthday party, she showed.  She showed, and was greeted with animosity and confusion by Una who knew of the invites every year, and with every year lost more hope that her mother would come.

Maybe because Patty was expecting another child and she felt some form of regret, I will never know for sure.  I only know that whatever words Patty shared with Una only incited my daughter and within only a few minutes of arriving, Patty left at Una's request.

Poor Una's hot-headed tendencies can get in the way, but it has always been understandable to me and Delia, the loss of her temper on that day.  All Una had to say after the party was over and once Delia and I sat down with her long after the triplets were in bed, was "I've met her only to realize I am not truly missing her, but the idea of her."

We never spoke of that occasion again. 

A few years rolled by and all too soon, my sweet Marin, Muriel and Ursula were turning sixteen themselves.  They each had a personality all their own, no two of them were alike.  And sadly, because none were alike - even compared to Una, it caused a lot of commotion in our home.

I wish I could say that every moment of my life was bliss.  

But it is never that way for anyone.  Is it?

Delia or I would receive calls at work of the girls fighting at school.  Not just fighting with words, but sometimes with blows at one another. Whether on the bus, in the cafeteria, or halls, their fights generally broke out when I wasn't around.  Delia herself, had received misplaced blows to the eye or shoulder from the girls when she'd try to intervene.

But if fights broke out when I was home, I was quick to put a stop to it, separating the girls with the strength I once had to use when I lived the life of a pirate.  A brute force I never knew I'd have to use since.

The girls would face nearly weekly groundings for their behavior.  Mairin and Muriel resented me most for this and in retaliation, were caught too many times sneaking out after their curfew.    

How could my dear girls get so mean?  How could they not understand one another that they would fight one another? Mairin and Muriel were likely the worst of my four girls.  

Though they barely tolerated each other themselves, they did often gang up on their older sister Una and sometimes on Ursula.

But Ursula won her fights - so it was rare that she got picked on.  Ever since she was a baby, she was the most independent and brave of them all.  Ursula was blessed to have that quality, as it kept her from many fights over the years with her sisters.  She withheld herself from her sisters, drew closer to me and Delia.  Ursula is most like her mother - in looks and manners - and they have drawn close over the years.

But I ramble, lost in the memories that can never change for the better.

  

When I think about the time to come, when I am no longer around, I wonder how my family will survive without me to hold them together.  My love and devotion to Delia has been strengthened over the years, she has been my truest joy.  I count every day as a blessing with her.  But I know I will leave her before she leaves me.

Call it intuition or what have you, but I know, my days are numbered.

Mairin and Murial have moved out after graduating high school, went to different colleges.  But Una and Ursula have stayed.  I know they love their home, they love their family despite the shortcomings.  It may be selfish, but I believe they stayed behind for me and Delia.  We are getting old, too old to run a home as big as ours.

I will prepare my will, and think of who is bequeathed my captain's log - my legacy.  And I will pray that this is only the beginning of a great legacy - not the end.